


Nourish

by Mertiya



Series: Story Circle [16]
Category: Magic: The Gathering
Genre: Gen, Implied/Referenced Transphobia, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-08
Updated: 2016-11-08
Packaged: 2018-08-29 19:05:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,407
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8501839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mertiya/pseuds/Mertiya
Summary: Chandra, Gideon, and Nissa are concerned about Jace’s eating habits, and he really really doesn’t want to discuss it.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Special thanks to paperclipminimizer for complaining to me about Jace’s anatomy so much I got a plot bunny out of it, as well as for just generally being helpful :) and handing me at least one useful Jace line.

            “Jace, we need to talk.”

            Jace looked up wearily from the third stack of papers of the day. “Can it wait, Gideon?”

            His friend frowned. “I’d rather it didn’t,” he replied. Chandra and Nissa were standing behind him, shuffling uncomfortably.

            Jace stared sadly down at the pile of papers. He was never going to get through it anyway. With a weary groan, he put his face down on top of it, and it rustled at him accusatorily. “Fine. What is it?”

            There was a long, tense silence. Finally, Chandra spoke up. “Oh, for fuck’s sake. You said we were going to do this because we were worried about him, you can’t all just back out because you’re scared or whatever. Jace, you have to eat more.”

            Blinking, Jace looked up at them. “Um?” he said. “I eat!” Granted, he couldn’t bring to mind the last time he’d actually had food today, but he trusted Lavinia to make sure he didn’t skip meals even if he was focused on his work.

            “You’re too skinny,” Chandra shot back, and Jace got a sudden, cold feeling in the pit of his stomach.

            “That’s not quite—” Gideon interrupted, and Chandra shot him an annoyed look. “All right, yes, it is. We’re worried about you because—well—the shape of your chest and arms _does_ indicate some level of—malnutrition—and—”

            “I’m not malnourished,” Jace said sharply. “Ask Lavinia if you don’t believe me.”

            Again, Gideon, Chandra, and Nissa exchanged looks. “I’m sure it’s in Lavinia’s best interests to care for you,” Gideon said, sounding as if he was trying to be soothing. “But she’s not a healer—”

            “Neither are any of you.” Jace crossed his arms over his chest. “I’m fine. Just drop it.”

            “Actually, I do have some small knowledge of healing,” Nissa put in. “And we did ask a healer to look you over the other day, because we didn’t want to upset you—”

            _Oh, Krokt_. He was going to have to tell them, wasn’t he? Clearly he’d gotten careless with his illusions, or maybe it hadn’t occurred to him that anyone other than Lavinia would notice, because who else would _care_?

            He tried one more time. “Please drop it?”

            Again, those very uncomfortable looks. Chandra crossed her own arms right back at him. “You’re not allowed to starve yourself, Jace,” she said angrily.

            “I’m n-not, I’m just—” He put a hand to his face, pressing back the tears that threatened to flow for just a moment. “I have a, um, I have…” he trailed off, because he didn’t—couldn’t put words to it. Staring at the desk, he sighed. Perhaps it had been bound to happen sometime. It was unlikely to be very terrible, he thought; Lavinia hadn’t reacted badly at all; nor had Emmara. But something inside Jace still caught and screamed on other memories, older ones, _Tezzeret-Paldor-Liliana_ —he’d never told Kallist, too afraid of losing his best friend.  Liliana hadn’t been _so_  awful.  She’d just laughed, and arched an eyebrow, and made some comment about him being “strange.”  Tezzeret—Jace shuddered.

            “Jace, it’s all right.” Nissa hovered by his shoulder.

            “I’ve seen many people who had trouble eating,” Gideon agreed. “It’s nothing to be ashamed—”

            “I don’t have trouble eating!” Jace pressed his knuckles into his forehead. “Look, I’ll—I’ll show you, all right? And then you can leave me alone?” That wasn’t quite true. He _did_ sometimes have trouble eating, when the food turned to heavy stone in his mouth and stomach, but it wasn’t as bad as they thought it was. It wasn’t why— _this_.

            He didn’t wait for a response, because he’d lose his nerve if he did. Instead, he started to shrug off his cloak and undo his collar. He just had to show them enough to—to let them see, after all. He hated doing this; even when he was alone, it often made him feel vaguely sick to his stomach, frustratingly _wrong_. Sometimes he was able to feel divorced enough from his body that it didn’t matter, but there were other times.

            This was one of the other times. Jace stared intently at the ceiling as the belts came loose next, and he took a sudden gulp of air as his chest distended. Probably the belts would have been enough to make his point sufficiently well, but he was embarrassed, frustrated, and possibly feeling faintly vindictive, so he pulled his tunic off over his head as well. There was a sudden silence, broken only by a sudden, embarrassed cough from Gideon.

            “All right? Are we done prying into my personal business now?” Jace snapped, even though he could feel the hollow terror rising beneath his damn breasts, and his voice wasn’t quite steady.

            “You know, that’s probably _not_ the best way to hide those,” Chandra said, sounding very matter-of-fact, and Jace took his gaze away from the ceiling to stare at her in confusion. “Seriously, can you even _breathe_? I guess you’re eating more than we thought, though, that’s good.”

            “Um.” Jace blinked at her. “I, um…what?”

            “I can probably get you something pretty easily,” she continued blithely. “A couple of monks on Regatha had some great spells for that kind of thing.”

            “Th-thank you?” Jace hazarded. That was the right thing to say under the circumstances, right? He pried his eyes away from Chandra’s absolute nonchalance, which was extremely reassuring, and forced himself to look at Gideon and Nissa. As he’d feared, they were both red in the face, and Gideon was looking away.

            “I…” Jace’s voice hollowed out again, and he instinctively crossed his arms over his chest. “Just. Are we done? Can I put my shirt back on now?”

            “I’ve made you uncomfortable,” Gideon said stiffly. “I’m so sorry, Jace.”

            “You could still probably do with eating a little more,” Nissa put in softly. “But I’m sorry we made you feel—vulnerable.”

            Hunching his back, Jace drew his tunic back on. It wasn’t enough, but it was a comforting weight on his naked shoulders. “So you—you don’t hate me?” he mumbled into the desk.

            “Gods, Jace. No.” Gideon was across the room immediately, one hand hovering over Jace’s. “No,” he repeated, shaking his head. Jace almost wanted to take his hand, but now that the first flood of panic inside was ebbing, he sat back with an angry frown.

            “You called a healer on me instead of just _asking_ me?”

            “We were worried…” Nissa trailed off.

            “I don’t like feeling trapped,” Jace said coldly, folding his crossed arms. “If there was something wrong, I would have told you.”

            “I have just known people who—wouldn’t eat, or talk about it, or…” Nissa shook her head. “I’m sorry. You’re right. It was foolish.”

            “Ha!” Chandra said unexpectedly. “I _told_ you we should just have asked him!”

            The ‘him’ sent a tiny frisson of reassurance through Jace. “Yes,” he agreed, nodding. “Thank you, Chandra. Look,” he turned back to Nissa and Gideon, “I know I don’t always remember to eat, but I actually am aware that food is an important part of living.”

            “I apologize, Jace.” Gideon put his hand down on the desk beside Jace’s. “I won’t do it again. But I am going to start bringing you a few more snacks. And Chandra’s right.” He indicated the belts. “That cannot be good for your ribs.”

            “If you can find me something better, I’ll take it. Thanks.”

            “Yeah, sure, I can head to Regatha and back tomorrow,” Chandra offered.

            “Th-Thank you,” he managed again, and this time he couldn’t quite keep the tremor out of his voice.

            “Jace,” Gideon said. “Look at me.”

            Reluctantly, Jace met his gaze.

            “We are your friends. We’re going to screw things up sometimes, but it’s not going to be because we hate you. And you’re not going to lose us.”

            There was a sudden tightness in his throat, but Jace managed to nod, closing his eyes against the prick of tears.

            “Just quit doing stupid shit.” Chandra punched him awkwardly on the arm. “That’s supposed to be _my_ thing.”

            He chuckled weakly. “Sorry for treading on your toes.”

            He still felt hollow and vulnerable, the cool air of his office playing over the bare skin of his shoulders. But there was a tight ball of warmth inside his chest as well. _You’re not going to lose us._ For one of the first times in his life, he actually believed that.


End file.
